HOPELESS ROMANTIC

My dreams have started again.. I don’t know what to do.. are they over exaggerations of what would happen? Do I even still have a chance? I am so confused right now. The simplicity of her falling her head on my shoulder and touching fingertips. I felt warm for the first time in more then a year. It hurt to woke up. Here I am fucking wondering what to do. I need to hear from her. But I know she’s on lock down. If she reads this I hope she knows Im thinking of her, missing her company and wishing her good health. 

This is really weird, writing like this again. It’s been far too long.

Im scared.

Is it strange that I find myself thinking about you. How are you? Im too afraid to ask. Because Im afraid, just like ever other time, that my thoughts will obsess over fantasies like nights before where I couldn’t wait to fall asleep, just to be closer to you in my dreams.

thank you. for being such a venting system for myself and others throughout all this year. It’s getting close to the end of the year and I have to say, this online journal has been soo nice to have. Public for my friends to see but not facebook public. I can post my depressing teenage angsty sometimes disturbing, sexy or ridiculous thoughts on here. 

the deep sunken holes that are placed in my head 

where my soul can be seen even when I feel dead

like this dreary black frosted night where my existence feels hazy 

and my body feels lazy as I slowly drift to sleep

My hands feel disconnected from my body

like my arms were taken away from the war

where I gave my heart and soul and lost a few more

on the battlefeild where I fought for our love

Because I can still see it in you eyes in the foyer of nostalgia

like it was yesterday when we almost kissed in the hallway

where I held myself back because I knew it was wrong

and I took one for the team, thinking that those feelings were gone

But I find myself looking at you in the same old way

like you’re the one for me but I’ll just have to wait

they say to tell someone you love them while their still around

but previous forces stifle my words and bring me down